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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  January 14, 2013 11:35pm-12:35am PST

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we have an excellent line-up tonight. ellen degeneres, sean lowe and music from onerepublic. and i'm prepared to do whatever it takes to win his heart. this guy seriously never has a shirt on that show. there are more clothes in "magic mike" than on "the bachelor." i wouldn't be surprised if he is shirtless tonight. "the bachelor" is a show based on the theory that one in 25 hairstylists are your soulmate. i have interviewed many bachelor and bachelorettes. i will ask sean who he picked and he won't tell me and then we'll go ohm. one thing that -- that's okay? all right. one thing that has been missing from the last couple seasons was
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the word "amazing" they used to say the word amazing 15 times a show and that went away for a while but it is back in a very big way and it time to check the amazing tall from "y" from this night alone. >> i'm about to embark on the most amazing journey ever. >> this house is amazing. >> it would be amazing. >> last night was amazing. >> i feel amazing right now. >> she amazed me. >> amazing connection. >> amazing. >> amazing night. >> amazing. amazing. amazing. >> i had an amazing week. >> that is astonishing. >> jimmy: this is an interesting thing do you know that "bachelor" has to supply the flowers. the bachelor has to hand out the roses and it is his responsibility to find them.
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>> each week i'm responsible for finding my own roses. a rose symbolizes my love. finding the perfect rose is like finding the perfect girl. it takes time and patience. i have to trust my heart to tell me what to do. when it's right i'll know it. >> jimmy: you see? amazing. last night in beverly hills the 70th annual golden globes it's a big event it's one of a dozen nights a year where we give ourselves awards here in hollywood. the hollywood foreign press
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picks winners. guillermo, you're a foreign journalist and a member of the hollywood foreign press aren't you? did you vote for the golden globes last night? >> no. >> jimmy: did you watch last night? >> no. >> jimmy: what did you watch this weekend on tv? >> football. >> jimmy: oh, you watched football. this football not the other football. tina fey and amy polehler did a amazing job on the show. "les miserables" won best musical or comedy. smart people say "les mis" and leave it at that. smart smart ones someone calling in to buy tickets in north
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tipped us off to this. >> we have the golden globe winner les miserballs. >> the golden globes serve alcohol to the nominees. a bunch of drunk people make speeches just like at the wedding. they were sitting at the don't bring any drinks to this table table. and because they were eating and drinking at the table the stars forget they were on tv. will failure and christen wig were funny but someone forget to mention that to tommy lee jones. >> what does this say? >> merrial.
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merryl streeps. for "hope springs". >> have you seen anyone look more miserable? the best audience cut away was during jodie foster's speech. she received the cecilleb. demille award. >> jennifer allen, grant and his uncle may he rest in peace. lifers. my family and friends here tonight and at home. >> jimmy: you put me in a movie with a beaver. when anne hathaway picked up her award she said nice things about sally field. she lost anne hathaway. see if we can run her reaction through our body translation device. >> i can't tell you how
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encouraging it was to learn that the flying none grew up to be norma e.r.a. and mama gump and mary todd lincoln. thank you so much. >> she's an actress and a great one at that. meanwhile there was a police chase going on in englewood last night. a guy driving a stolen car ran from police for two hours. this is something i have never seen before. this is what i call an interactive television experience. >> there they are all. he is in the wrong lanes of traffic once again. part of this is a familiar pattern we've gotten to see with this guy. he is making his way back off to the left toward l.a.x. and thankfully for the helicopters -- holy --
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>> these 3-d tvs are unbelievable. worth every penny. president obama held the final press conference of his first term in office this morning talking mostly about the debt ceiling. he announced if congress doesn't raise the debt ceiling america will go into default on its loans and we might have to say good bye to florida. an economist named paul krugman is supportive of an idea as a stopgap. he is suggesting that the treasury mint a trillion dollar county and deposit it in the federal reserve which is how "the lord of the rings" starts, isn't it? i don't know if americans could be trusted with a trillion
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dollar coin. 100 billion bags of doritos comes down. the treasury will not mint a trillion dollar coin. that is a shame. wouldn't it be nice to mint up nine or ten and say we're even. get this crap you made out of here and leave us alone. thank you. this is a great video. this was shot at the u.s. military academy in west point. a cadet found a mouse in his dorm room and he released a it into the wild. >> you're free. go. get on out. good luck. >> how do you feel? >> i feel relieved. that he's not going to wake me up in my bed any more crawl on my leg.
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but kind of sad. just got to know him. and -- oh, no. no! you kidding me? he didn't last five minutes. >> jimmy: one minute you're in a dorm and the next minute you're love. when we come back i'll break down saturday's miss america pageant and ellen degeneres and the bachelor are here too. come on back we're right back. people don't realize that taxes and health care are connected. the affordable care act means big changes this year... when you file your taxes. i read the whole 900 pages. it literally took me weeks.
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welcome back. ellen degeneres, the batch low, sean lowe and onerepublic are standing by. anyone watch the miss america pageant on saturday night? about half of you are lying. i don't understand the miss america pageant. women in bikinis and evening
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gowns. it's 2013. we have "the bachelor" now. but 23-year-old mallory hytes hagen was crowned miss america. but if her veneers fall out she will be replaced by miss south carolina. miss new york tap danced during the talent portion of the show. people used to think this was entertaining before we had iphones. if i was in the pageant my miss america talent would be puncturing a hole in the capri sun pouch on the very first try. the trickiest part -- it's a thing of beauty. the trickiest part of the pageant is the q & a and they train for this. "20/20" ran a special on saturday night and we had a glimpse with miss california.
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>> not understanding the question is the worst fear. >> as we saw when we popped in on miss california during a mock interview session. >> what is your feelings on euthanasia becoming realized. >> that's one thing i'm not very educated on. i need to look up on exactly what that means. >> okay. >> but i know it's a vaccine, correct? >> jimmy: correct. now put this bikini on and let's see your teeth. at least she didn't say that the youth in asia loved the gangnam style. each contestant said something cute about the state they represent. >> my state gives out -- representing almost heaven i'm miss west virginia. >> where i'm from cutting the cheese is a big deal.
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>> where i'm from we try to look innocent and blame it on someone else. every year at least one of the contestants says something dumb. this year it went to miss iowa whose name is mariah carey, for year. the best thing to do ask name your children mariah carey. she was asked her upon on the legalization of marijuana. >> marijuana is by far the most frequently used legal drug in america. but voters in two states have supported legalization for recreational use. is that the right direction for the country? >> i have known people who have had to go to medical marijuana for their last resort for their health care however i do not think it should be used for anything but recreational use in health care. >> thank you very much. >> jimmy: mel got around this
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weekend. i've been studying that clip today. and the only explanation i have come up with is she doesn't know what the word recreational means. i'm not sure why they have so much trouble answering questions. this afternoon we asked my cousin mickey to take a crack at them. he did not see the miss america pageant and she has thought thought provoking things to say. i thought we would run a couple of the questions by here. >> what are your thoughts about sensational reality shows portray young girls, their mothers and the world of pageants? >> oh, gosh i don't like to judge but i may have to a little on this because i'm not really into the pageants of mothers like making their kids do stuff like that. if they want to that's great and
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i support that. but i -- there's some that are nutty. honey boo-boo might be a little nutty. >> this is how my cousin dressed her daughter on her second birthday last week. like some sort of combination of lola and an ewok. thank you. >> you did it again. why are you wearing a tiara? >> i don't know why. >> jimmy: researchers are trying to study the effects of pornography on male behavior. but they were unable to begin the study because they could not find a single man who had not seen porn. they eliminated candidate after candidate. eventually down to the pope and stevie wonder but they were unwilling to participate. even amish men had seen dirty
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drawings on the side of a barn and -- i think that tells you all you need to know. men like it. does anyone have the flu here? would any of you admit? oh, you do? thank you for coming. we're in the middle of a bad flu season right now. it's important to wash your hands thoroughly and often. but 57% of adults don't wash their hands for a long enough period of time. the average washing time for american adults is 10 seconds but the centers for disease control and prevention recommends you wash your hands for at least 20 seconds. you can sing "happy birthday" to yourself two times and if you want to be really clean you can sing lady gaga's "edge of glory" twice. i don't know about this "happy birthday" idea. how creepy would it be to be in a men's room with a guy singing
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"happy birthday" to himself. that is a weird song to sing. so our musical guest tonight onerepublic came up with a special song specifically for hand washing. this is a song you can sing while you wash your hands. i think it will be a big single for them too. >> onerepublic, what are you guys doing here? >> that's not nearly long enough to wash your hands properly. let's get that water back on. there you go. ♪ ♪ wash your hands use you the public pooper ♪ ♪ lather rinse and don't forget to repeat ♪ ♪ or your hands will be hands
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will be dirty as a public toilet seat ♪ >> thank you fellas. >> jimmy: we've got a good show for you tonight. the bachelor sean lowe is here, we have music from one republic, and we'll be right back with ellen degeneres. so stick around. [ horse whinnies ] who's that?
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>> jimmy: tonight on the program, every monday night you can see him searching for love the old fashioned way. on a reality television show. fresh from the hot tub, bachelor sean lowe is here.
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and then with music from their forthcoming album "native" it comes out march 26th. this is their single. onerepublic from the bud light outdoor stage. tomorrow night, rob lowe will be here, bryce harper from the washington nationals will be here, and we'll have music from big boi. and later this week, mark wahlberg, ray romano, amy brenneman, science bob pflugfelder, and music from phillip phillips. join us for those shows. our first guest tonight is a national treasure. last week, she won her 13th people's choice award, even though it's a well-known fact she does not like people. the very funny show that bears her name airs every weekday in syndication, please say hello to the winsome and wonderful ellen degeneres. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> it's very hard. i usually wait for my guests to sit down. >> jimmy: i think we solved that problem. >> are these chairs larger or am i shrinking? >> jimmy: could be both. >> they're comfortable but i feel tiny in these chairs. i love the new set and everything about -- i like that you are half an hour earlier now. >> jimmy: that's great. >> you love the set as well? >> jimmy: big fans of the furniture here. >> get something for that man. but it's really great and i do congratulate you on the new time slot. you're doing very well. >> jimmy: thank you. >> i think it's always good to be early on anything. >> jimmy: it is good to be.
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>> i'm always -- >> jimmy: you a prompt person. >> unless you are early for a party. don't show up a half an hour early for a party. jennifer aniston is our friend and she made me help her paint the kitchen. i think no one showed up. >> jimmy: you came to my house for dinner and you were exactly on time. and i'm like that too. i think it's anxiety for me that i don't want anyone to be waiting for me. and yet, maybe eight minutes would have been good. >> you didn't seem ready at all. you seemed like you were not ready. you were in the garage. >> jimmy: that's right. you were in the garage. >> you were working on something and i'm like are we supposed to have dinner? >> jimmy: i do all my cooking in the garage. but it's great to have you here. i was on your show last week. that was a lot of fun. it's incestuous this relationship.
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>> and hardly anything to talk about. you were just there and i'm here. >> jimmy: do you like to be a host or a guest better? >> i like being a -- i like both. but when i used to be a guest before i had my show i had things to talk about because i had no outlet but it's now i have a show so i talk about everything going on in my life so i don't have anything to talk about when i come on a show. i don't have children. i don't want children. the only time i want children is right before i do a talk show. because i have the stories you'd have if you had a kid. she's four years old and just got in the flour cabnet and the flour is on her face and you want to be mad but she is precious and i would bring a picture and show a picture of her and say look how precious she is. >> jimmy: she sure is precious.
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>> that is sheryl anne. >> jimmy: she got in the flour. >> that's a stock photo. she had a brother. i would be mad because he is swearing. but i don't have kid stories. >> jimmy: i hit on serious gold and you were nice to help me out with this. >> i heard it worked out. >> jimmy: it did very well. i invented a couple of dances. i'm not a big dancer but i do sometimes get loaded and start dancing. and this dance is the baby dance i call it. and i explained this to you on your show. you dance like a baby, the way babies dance. uncoordinated -- >> how do they do it? >> jimmy: and that. and you can bop around. you don't need to be on a beat. sub tract points if you were on
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the beat. i knew your show is the place to launch this. your gangnam style video has a zillion hits on youtube and people liked it. >> you asked people if they would try to do. i don't know if anyone could perfect the baby dance the way you did. >> jimmy: i'm the originated the dance. >> you have video? >> jimmy: i have it right here. >> okay. moouk ♪ ♪ you know you love me ♪ i know you care ♪ you want my love you want my heart ♪ ♪ we will never, ever, ever be
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apart ♪ ♪ i'm like baby, baby, like baby, baby, like baby, baby, baby ♪ ♪ oh, thought you'd always be mine ♪ ♪ baby, baby, baby like baby -- >> i have to say something, when you thought of that on the show i thought -- we do things on the show and they take off like crazy like our dance dares where we dare people to dance behind people and we do it on the show. we dance behind guests when they don't know it. and you probably don't know this. but let's take a look. >> jimmy: oh, really.
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wow. oh, no. how far is this going to go? guillermo, you sneaky little devil. you are a couple of sneaky little devils. i was wondering why you were interested in what i was saying. >> i thought you would see it out of the corner of your eye. >> jimmy: my eyes have no corners. more with ellen degeneres when we come right back.
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>> jimmy: hello. i'm back with ellen degeneres. still to come, the bachelor and onerepublic. you are taking your studio audience to australia. >> they don't have to come with me. i have given them all the time in the world to go. but i'm going for the first time and we're shooting a bunch of things for the show. i've never been to australia. >> jimmy: i can't believe you have never be. >> i'm getting to see her hometown and if things go well i can invite her to the fantasy suite. so i don't know why i've never
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been there. >> jimmy: i've been to sydney and hamilton island. there is a bridge walk people will encourage you to do. i was too scared and lazy to do it. i don't know -- do you like heights? >> no. >> jimmy: terrifying then, don't do that. the beach is beautiful. there's -- that's it. that's pretty much it. >> everyone is saying i should go to the great barrier reef. >> jimmy: that's where hamilton island is. >> i have ten days and eight of that is travel. it takes a long time to get there. were you jet lagged when you came home? >> jimmy: a little bit. but it's completely different and the first thing i did was flush the toilet and then i was confused was it going backwards i wasn't paying attention at home. >> when you get home you forget
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which direction anyways. it's like a 16 hour flight. >> jimmy: it's a long flight. >> melbourne and sydney and it's going to be amazing. we're going in march. >> jimmy: i have to say i wish you could hang out and stay a while. >> i know. i feel like i get to hang out with you and it's not long enough. >> jimmy: when you leave i'm sad you've gone. >> i don't want to leave and i know you don't want -- neither of us wants to be the first to say good-bye. >> jimmy: you're right. may i have this dance, ellen? [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: i feel like we're still on television.
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we should throw to a commercial break now. >> don't do it? >> jimmy: no? keep going. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ese grea. you paid...wow. hmmm. let's see if walmart can help you find the same look for less. okay. see? walmart has all these leading eyewear brands and styles. rockstar! really? yeah. oh, wow! oh, black frame looks good on you. yeah? you can get a complete pair starting at just -- $38. really?! and did you know that our glasses come with a free 12-month replacement guarantee? i didn't know walmart had all this. the price is impressive, the quality is too! come to walmart and see for yourself. find rollbacks on the contact lenses you want. like the acuvue oasys -- now $27.88.
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>> this week on "jimmy kimmel live". mark wahlberg. rob lowe. ray romano. from the washington nationals bryce harper. from "private practice", amy brenneman. and "science bob" pflugfelder. plus music from big boi. and phillip phillips. [ stella ] here's me. and here's my depression.
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>> jimmy: onerepublic is on the way. our next guest is a former insurance salesman from dallas who has been forced to choose between 3 ashleys, 2 leslies, a diana, a daniella, a taryn and a tierra. with a kacie and a lacey thrown in for good luck.
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you can see him every monday night on "the bachelor" here on abc. please say hello to sean lowe. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: can i tell you something? i hardly recognize you with a shirt on. it's unbelievable. >> it's amazing. >> jimmy: how does that work? who's idea is it for you to take your shirt off all the time? >> i have seen the bachelor before. i know what they expect. i have the fitness background. i knew my shirt would be off half the time. >> jimmy: does someone tell you time to take off the shirt? >> oh, yeah and we have a grease girl too. >> jimmy: you have a grease girl? >> you don't?
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>> clet . >> jimmy: guillermo is my grease girl. that's what in his hair. you can't tell me who you picked or if you picked anyone. you can't tell me much of anything really you have to keep things secret. but it's interesting just in general you are in a situation. one of your friends said, hey, i met this girl two months ago and we're engaged. what would you say to him? >> you're crazy. >> jimmy: but you might wind up in that situation where you have known someone two months and wind up engaged to that person on television. does that worry you, that time frame? >> a little bit but i'm cut off from the outside world no phone, television, internet. all my time is focussed on these ladies. you can accomplish more in two months that way than six months in every day life. >> jimmy: larry king was divorced eight times before
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there was electricity. i don't know if that would hold up. do you have trouble keeping that straight? there are 26 women when you start out. >> it's impossible. >> jimmy: remembering who is who has to be impossible. >> i sat down with one lady and i said how are your kids doing? and she said you're thinking of diana. my name is taryn. >> jimmy: that's not good. if you can't remember their name maybe you can rule that person out. >> i did that. >> jimmy: do you know whetherman and -- whether someone is going to make the first cut quickly? >> a lot of it is on looks. >> jimmy: did anyone do anything that made you think she's got to go? >> the "50 shades of gray" girl
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she shows up drunk and talks about tying me up with her tie. let's leave a little mystery there. >> jimmy: you didn't even know what she was referring to. have you read that book? >> i've never read the book and used my context clues. >> jimmy: now i'm going to predict who your final four will be. and we will be watching your face closely to see how you react to each one. first of all, ashlee with two "e"s. next desiree with two "e"s. and i believe this will be your pick, katherine, the graphic designer. yes? you have a good poker face.
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but i feel confident and my success rate on these is around 85%. do you feel this is a good list? >> you have a solid bunch there. >> jimmy: you've got the bunch. you seem like a nice guy. you never know with these things. don't rush into anything because neil lane has jewelry ready for you. take your time and make a good decision. >> i'll do my best. >> jimmy: the bachelor, sean lowe. we're right back with music from onerepublic.
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>> jimmy: their new album is called native. it comes out march 26th. here with the new song "if i lose myself", one republic. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ i'm standing up at the sun thought of all the people places and things ♪ ♪ i've loved i stand up just to see of all the faces you are the one next to me ♪ ♪ you can feel the light start to tremble watching what you know out to see ♪ ♪ you can see your life
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out of the window - tonight if i lose myself tonight it'll be by your side ♪ ♪ i lose myself tonight wooh, wooh, wooh if i lose myself tonight it'll be you and i ♪ ♪ lose myself tonight ♪ ♪ ♪ i'm standing up at the sun thought of all the people
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places and things i've loved ♪ ♪ i woke up just to see of all the faces you are the one next to me ♪ ♪ you can feel the light start to tremble watching what you know out to see ♪ ♪ you can see your life out of the window tonight if i lose ♪ ♪ myself tonight it'll be by your side i lose myself tonight woooh woooh woooh ♪ ♪ if i lose myself tonight it'll be you and i lose myself tonight wooh
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♪ take us down and ♪ ♪ we keep trying forty-thousand feet keep flying take us down and we ♪ ♪ keep trying forty-thousand feet keep flying ♪ take us down and we ♪ ♪ keep trying forty-thousand feet keep flying take us down and we ♪ ♪ keep trying forty-thousand feet keep flying wooh yeah i lose myself tonight ♪ ♪ ooh ooh ooh

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